My Blog

The Window for Our Children

The window is getting smaller. I thought about this as I watched our grandson, Brody, play basketball on Saturday. He will be in the fourth grade this calendar year. That is only nine years away from high school graduation.

9 Years!

Nine years before he finishes high school. That is really not much — at all. If it sounds like a lot of time, you might ask the parents of this year’s high school graduating class (2020). Many of them will tell you, “I just don’t know where the time went.”

This week I was reading journal entries that I wrote to our daughters the first few years of their lives. Charlotte and I deeply loved these two little girls. We wanted, more than anything, for them to love the Lord, for them to surrender their lives to him, and for them to be deeply connected to the church. Yet, rearing children in the Lord may be the hardest work that I have ever done.

Now we have grandchildren. Sully (4), Lincoln (5), and Brody (9). Sully has a brother or sister who is due in a matter of weeks. Charlotte and I pray for these little boys regularly. We pray much the same as we did for our own children. We pray that they will love the Lord, that they will surrender their lives to him, and that they will be deeply connected to the church.

In many ways, this is an ongoing spiritual battle as it was with our own children. After all, the evil one would like to influence them to disregard the Father and his desires. The evil one is in a battle for their souls and desires to have them as his own.

In the meantime, we pray for them and for their parents. We pray for those who teach them. We pray for their friends and the friends of their parents. We pray.

As I read these journal entries, I remember that we were young parents and certainly didn’t know what to do much of the time. I am so thankful for every single person who was a godly influence in the lives of our girls. We are so indebted to so many, many people.

One one occasion, I went to a couple in our church. Charlotte and I needed help with our teenage children. I remember sitting at their kitchen table asking questions and listening. I will always be grateful to Bob and Laura.

Being a parent has taught me so much about humility and my own need for God. More than anything, I have learned to pray on more than one occasion, “God, I don’t know what to do.”

May God help us all.

Where Are You Going?

It was in the middle of the night, about this time of the year. I was a very young guy, not yet married. I was wrestling with what to do next – with my life. I did not know. Inside, I was wrestling with anxiety, worry, and fear about the future. “What am I going to do” was the question that I kept asking. Then one day I heard someone ask this question:

Where will you be when you get where you are going?

In other words, if I keep making the same kind of decisions that I normally do (often with little thought), if I keep the same habits, if I keep the same attitude, where will my life ultimately be?

I knew I had a lot of changes to make. All of these changes would take place slowly (with many false starts and moments of failure). However, my life began to move in a different direction because, by the grace of God, the seemingly small decisions and habits that I made daily began to change.

Where will you be when you get where you you are going?

Where will your life be, if you continue to have the same attitude?

Where will your life be, if you continue to spend money the way you are now?

Where will your life be, if you continue to have the same old habits?

Where will your life be, if you continue that particular friendship?

Where will your life be, if you stay just the way you are while focusing on others and how they need to change?

I find this useful. Perhaps you will as well. This is what I have been thinking about the last few weeks. You might find that this is worth thinking about. Because of this, I am making some adjustments — some much needed adjustments.

Long Before You Marry

It is awfully difficult for children to rise above the emotional and spiritual maturity of their father and mother. Impossible? No. Hard? It often is.

So many married men and women feel very much alone spiritually. Many single dads and moms are in church each Sunday, all too aware

Years ago, she married a great guy. Yet, he is not a part of the congregation that his wife and children call “home.” He has many good qualities but the kids grow up without ever seeing their dad deeply connected in the life of the church.

Long before there is an engagement, it is important for a man or woman to think about what the future might be like if this person never changes.

1. What if this person never grows up?
2. What if this person never becomes a part of a congregation? What if this person, “never goes to church”?
3. What if this person never becomes any more financially responsible than she or he is right now?
4. What if the things I had hoped would change never change at all?
5. What if this person remains just as immature as she has been since I met her?
6. Do I really think this person will treat me better once we are married?
7. Do I really think this person will suddenly have different priorities in her/his life once we are married?

So often a man will become infatuated by a woman and begin to rationalize about the future.

In his mind — it will all work out, somehow.

Really?

This can be very risky and dangerous thinking.

If my purpose and mission in life are clear, this will help determine the kind of person I will date or not date. If you are absolutely serious about the Lord Jesus and raising children in the Lord, you will want to partner with someone who will be by your side carrying out that mission.

You might well respond, “Well that sounds like someone who is perfect.” No, there is no perfect person. However, there are people whose daily decisions reflect a commitment to the Lord Jesus.

The time to start thinking and praying about this is when you are very young. Far too much is at stake.

One of the Most Important Decisions You Will Ever Make

One of the most important decisions you will ever make is deciding who you might marry.

It really is very important.

I don’t mean to imply that you must marry. I’m just saying that before you marry, know that who you marry is critical.

A few weeks ago, I was on Facebook and noticed that several couples were celebrating their anniversaries. I had performed the wedding for each one of these couples. In some cases, a lot of years have passed since these weddings.

I started thinking about my three grandsons (ages 3-9). What would I tell them if they were to one day ask me about marriage? I do think I might tell them the following:

*Marry someone who can be your spiritual companion. Far too many people marry potential instead of history. They think that one day he will be just what she hopes and dreams even though he is not there right now. So, some move ahead thinking it will all change once they marry.

*Marry someone for whom you do not need to make a lengthy explanation to justify your decision. Sometimes we make lengthy explanations in order to justify what might otherwise be a point of concern. Also, beware if you are hiding information about this person from the most godly and significant people in your life. Why would you not want these godly friends or mentors to know this or that about this person? Could it be that they might tell you what you don’t want to hear? Perhaps.

*Marry someone who will allow you to be transparent about him/her and about the relationship. Dysfunction often begins when a person wants you to hide truth from your parents, your friends, and from the most godly people in your life. Such people are sometimes more concerned about the way things appear rather than bringing out into the open the way things really are.

*Marry someone who (if you are blessed with children) will provide real spiritual leadership to your children. Will this person share in conversations with the most godly people you know about what it means to raise children who will love God, know Scripture, and serve others?

It will probably be a long time before these little boys marry. (We still have a lot of wrestling to do!) In the meantime, I think I will continue to enjoy the occasional “Happy Anniversary” Facebook posts from those whom I have known in the past. I will enjoy sweet and pleasant memories of talking with these couples in my office before they got married.

There are other important decisions in life. But choosing who you will marry is certainly near their the top.

When Sunday Evenings are Hard

For many ministers, Sunday evenings are hard.

You finally go home after an exhausting day. If you are not careful, your mind and emotions can take you places that are not good.

You wonder, am I really making a difference? What’s the use?

You think about those biting words of criticism. At the time, the words and tone stung. Now, hours later you find yourself rehearsing these words over and over in your mind.

You may be focused on a sermon that just didn’t go well. You butchered a name. You mangled a sentence. You forgot to tell an important story.

Tonight, it seems that everyone else in the congregation has gone about their business. Getting ready for work tomorrow. Leaving for vacation later this week. For many, it is business as usual. Life just goes on.

For you Sunday evenings may be a time when you question your purpose, your self-worth, and the effectiveness of your ministry.

Yet, the following may be helpful to many of us.

1. Know that your life really matters. Your work matters. It doesn’t matter what you are doing and how you are serving, God will work through you.

2. Know that you really have no idea just how much good you are going. This is true for all of us. When you allow God to use you, know that this work goes way beyond what any of us might be able to see.

3. Know that the evil one would love to create self-doubt, discouragement, and ultimately defeat.

Trust God with your life, whatever you do. You matter. Your work matters. God is alive.

When Men Remain Little Boys

Far too many men are actually boys who have never grown up. The following are characteristics of men who seem to display an immaturity that ultimately impacts those around them.

1. A man who is a bully (toward women or men) is still an immature boy. 
2. A man who perpetually lies to his girlfriend or wife is still a boy. The words of real men mean something.
3. A man who is rude, crude, and doesn’t show a bit of courtesy toward others is still a boy.
4. A man who is more concerned about his appearance and image than reality hasn’t grown up. He is still a boy.
5. A man who knows nothing about promise keeping, honoring a commitment, or loyalty to another, is still a boy.
6. A man who thinks it is funny when another is embarrassed, humiliated, or shamed is no man — just a boy who needs to grow up.
7. A man who belittles women, other men, those of other races and others unlike himself, is no real man. He is a boy who needs to grow up.
8. A man who manipulates and schemes in order to get his way is not displaying maturity. Such a man is small, self-centered, and often promises far more than he can deliver. He is someone who needs to grow up.
9. A man who thinks he is the smartest person in the room usually is not. Such a man may think he is one of the few who really “gets it.” He probably needs to grow up.

Far too many women settle for such men. Some men become someone’s project. “He really has a good heart. He’s going to change. He told me so.” Yet, never put your life in the hands of someone’s potential. Instead, pay close attention to their history. Potential may be what is in front of them. Their history, however, will tell you much about their decision making, their character, and the way they treat others.

The good news is that many, many men are passionately pursuing integrity, authenticity, and character. These are men who treat others right — even when no one else seems to be looking.

An Important Decision We Have Made

Charlotte and I made a very important decision many years ago. We made this decision when we married and then repeated it a number of times. The decision we made was that we would enjoy wherever we lived.

In our married life, we have lived in a number of places.

  • Florence, Alabama
  • Pulaski, Tennessee
  • Dallas, Texas
  • Hawley, Texas
  • Florence, Alabama
  • Kansas City, Missouri
  • Waco, Texas
  • Memphis, Tennessee

These places are very different from one another. In one place we lived for a few months (our first stint in Florence, Alabama) and then returned to live almost eight years. We lived in Waco, Texas for twenty years! We lived in cities known for barbecue such as Kansas City and Memphis. We also lived in Texas known for Tex-Mex and barbecue beef. We lived in Hawley, Texas which is just outside of Abilene.

Before we moved to each place, we decided prior to moving that we would enjoy living in that city and that we would look for the good in that place. I have seen far too many people move to a new place and then spend the entire time there comparing it negatively with their last home. Often they would compare congregations, sports events, etc. The city where they presently lived would typically be lacking in something.

After years of moving with a more positive mindset, I can honestly tell you that we have found moments of great joy in every place where we have lived. Yes, there were aspects of previous towns/cities that we did not especially enjoy. However, we were looking for the good in each place instead of becoming obsessed with what was lacking. We miss aspects of almost every place we have lived. However, there are also wonderful benefits of being right where we are.

So when someone asks me, “How do you like Memphis?” My answer is, “We like Memphis a lot! There is so much about Memphis that we enjoy.” This answer is rooted in a decision we made a long time ago and has brought us much joy.

This Could Be So Refreshing!

The best ministers I know understand that they are first servants. In fact, the best mothers, fathers, friends, I know are first servants. People who are genuine servants have discovered the essence of what serving Jesus really is.

Servants are not always looking for the advantage.

Servants are not always reciting their resume.

Servants do not play silly mind games with others.

Servants do not see themselves as the only ones who “get it.”

Servants do not have to retaliate.

Servants do not keep score.

Servants do not look for ways to communicate just how important they are (at least in their own mind).

So what do servants do?

Servants show up.

Servants respond to a cry for help (even if it isn’t their “gift.”)

Servants can give, work hard, and contribute without having to receive the credit.

Servants seek to put others at ease.

Servants are focused on others instead of themselves.

Servants bless others and do not have to be the center of attention.

Servants don’t refer to themselves as a servant and then seek status, credit and exaltation. That is confusing at the very least.

No matter who you are. No matter how old you are. Single. Married. With or without children. You and I can be a servant of Jesus. We may be surprised at just how refreshing this is to others.

You Never Stop Being a Parent

Today is a special birthday.  Today is Christine’s birthday.  A month ago, we celebrated Jamie’s birthday, which was also a very special birthday.  These two women are our daughters.  They are now in their thirties.  They are mothers to our grandchildren.  Jamie is married to our wonderful son-in-law, Cal.

I remember so well, the evening that Charlotte went into labor.  We hurried to the hospital, excited and scared.  We had prayed for Christine’s birth.  She was our first child.  Some years later, we would have another daughter.  We wanted, more than anything, to invest in our children so that they would grow up loving God, putting their faith in him, and living a life of obedience to him.  We didn’t quite know how to do this but this focus was where we would put our energy, time, and prayer for decades.  Now, many years later, we invest in our grandchildren as well.

In many ways, I am still learning about how to be a parent (now to adult women!).  Yet, I am especially learning more about God.  As I wrote in a post recently, “Being a dad or mom will help you understand how God must feel at times.  As a parent you may experience great joy, great satisfaction, great disappointment, and even great pain through your children. This may be just a taste of what God experiences in us (you and me), his children.”

So today, I think about how much I love our daughters.  I also think about how much I have learned about being a parent.  More importantly, I have learned so much about God and what it means to be his child.

You never stop being a parent.  Our love and affection for our children continues to this day.   God never stops being our father.  “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.  His love endures forever” (Psalm 136:1).

 

 

 

Give Your Children These Advantages

Are you a father or mother? I have learned much and am still learning. A few things I have learned:

1. Being a dad or mom will help you understand how God must feel at times. As a parent you may experience great joy, great satisfaction, great disappointment, and even great pain through your children. This may be just a taste of what God experiences in us (you and me), his children.

2. Decisions you make can impact your children whether they know what you’ve done or not. Even “secret” sin in a parent’s life is shaping the person who is rearing their child. Likewise, making the decision to live a holy life impacts them powerfully, as well.

3. It is awfully hard to raise children to love, serve, and obey God, when their mother or dad is living in disobedience and not taking the Father seriously.

4. Perhaps one of the most wonderful gifts you can give to your children is to pray for them, regularly and consistently. If you aren’t praying each day for your children, who is?

5. Know that when you are a disciple of Jesus, treasuring God’s word, and seeking to rear your children in the Lord, you are giving your children such a great gift.

6. Think about the people who you bring into your home and into your lives. They are also impacting the lives of our children. Choose people whose lives are worth imitating. Our children are watching.

7. Pay now or pay later. You can invest in the lives of your children right now or you can let things slide. However, certain behaviors and attitudes may be far more difficult to address later.

8. The best thing you can give your children is to be a mother or dad who loves God deeply and who lives in daily obedience. Yes, tutoring can help them academically. A camp may help them athletically. However, if our children are going to grow up to serve the Lord, you and I must be willing to stay focused.

9. The most real, genuine parents are those who are living as they were to created to live. This mom/dad are teaching their children how to really live.

10. I knew a dad who was single. His wife died and he was left alone to raise their children. Yet, he kept his focus. He wanted to raise them to serve and love God. May all of us as parents do the same!